So hard!!

Art by Jover

It is so hard trying to finalize one part of my life while starting a new part and not go insane or keep things level where my family is concerned.

I want my life to smoothly move from one to the other without going on a roller coaster ride doing so. Is that such a big request?

I want my new life with my wonderful Daddy to start out surrounded by calm, love and joy. Why is that have to be something so hard to accomplish??

KK

At that point…

Do you ever find yourself feeling like you will never get where you want to go, be who you want to be, do what you want to do? Like the world just keeps throwing obstacles in your path to make things more difficult, frustrating and feeling defeated?

I am at the point I just want to throw up my hands and say I quit and run away!

I was raised to think of others, to make others happy and to do the right thing. I am trying to do all that and finally do all that for me too! It’s my turn to think of me, to be happy, to do the right thing for me! Yet trying to do that is sooo hard!! Ugh! I want to scream!!

Thanks so much anxiety, guilt, feeling responsible and fear; along with the biggest frustration ever! Go away and leave me alone! I need strength to get through all this🙈🙏

Okay…done venting now and getting that off my chest and out of my head.

Thank you💋

LD Playdate

IMG_2394Daddy and I have a playdate planned for this afternoon/evening.  I am to wear my  costume of choice and all the fixings.  There will of course be spankings involved and then toy play.

My thoughts are all over the place in wondering what Daddy will do and what he will have me do.  Maybe have me wear my butt gem while we play, and/or nipple clams.  Maybe use the wand or one of the other wonderful fun toys that we enjoy.  One, or many, possibly.  Sometimes he tells me a few hours prior to either put in my Kegel balls or my butt gem, which really get me keened up for play.  All I know is the sound of his voice and his guidance in the play is what gets me excited the most.

Having an extremely over-active imagination is a benefit to us both when we play long distance.  It is nothing in comparison to being in the same physical space, but knowing we will eventually get there, and get there for good soon, keeps us determined and eager to make it work. And believe it or not, our playdates keep us connected and centered with each other.

I am a blessed kitten baby girl to have a Daddy Dom that loves me as he does.

Kitty Kat

I believe

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I believe in so many things. I believe I was put here for many reasons and am just getting started with understanding. I believe you can love more than one person in a lifetime. I believe there is a God.  I believe there are also other spirits and beings in the universe and world.  I believe there are other gods out there being followed and believed in that I do not know.  We all have been brought up in different family beliefs and religions, or non-religions, and we are all special in our own way.  Some of us are spiritual beings. Some of us are empathetic. Some of us are just very sensitive to our surroundings and those that fill those surroundings.  Some of us are self-focused and so do not pay attention to our surroundings.  Some of us have learned to count on others while some have learned to only count on ourselves.  Some of us realize we have been living one way when all along we have a purpose to live another way, and maybe in another place.

My point here is that we all have a purpose. We all are learning more and more of ourselves, others, and life every day.  There is good and bad in this world.  We learn to deal with things the best way we can, especially when we learn there are such things as boundaries and they are put in place for our happiness and ability to live and deal with things more appropriately.  We learn our talents and special gifts to use and enjoy.  We find the people we can share these things with.

My ultimate belief is that no matter what, there is always something to be happy about, always something to feel good about, always something to bring us up instead of holding us down.  Yes, there are times when we feel at our worst, like nothing will make us happy again, like only bad things happen to us; but there is ALWAYS a light at the other end.  It may not last long, and there may be several times to get there, but it is there and you will get there.  I have many many times and know of others that have as well.  It is life and there are always challenges and things to work through.  I believe we go through things for a reason. We may not know when going through these things what it is at the time, but there is always a reason.

I know, I’m sounding all philosophical, but I am really not.  I just pay a lot of attention to life, what others go through or are going through, as well as myself and those I am near and love.

Thank you, to those taking the time to read this, for letting me share my always moving thoughts with you this morning.  I had to put them down and get them out of my head. 😉

Kitty Kat

You seriously are not alone!

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I’ve had a lot going on in my life lately.  It is making me anxious. Giving me feelings of guilt and responsibility for others.  Very emotional and unsettled.  I am trying to deal with all these things best I can and most times hiding it from others.  Those that know me, not so much. 

I have issues and at times I feel very down about myself, who I am as a person and how others see me.  I am getting better about these things every day.  Getting stronger in who I am.  These things are still there for me to deal with, just not as bad.  

I have people that support and love me.  I have a mantra that I try to say every day.  I have techniques on how to deal with some things, such as meditation and breathing, exercise, self-love by spoiling myself at times, etc…

I know I am not the only one out there doing this, but sometimes it feels like I am the only one going through things like this; don’t I know it!  And I just want to you to know, those that might be reading this and feeling the same, that you are not alone, I am doing all of this and getting through. It is hard but I/we can do this! 

You are loved, you are good, you are strong and you will get through this.

Kitty Kat xx

LDR – Long Distance Relationship

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A long distance relationship (LDR) is so damn hard! 

One minute you feel totally in sync with your partner, the next you feel totally unattached and inadequate.  At least that is me.  I try so hard to not do this.  It doesn’t help when I get this way.  I get emotional and even depressed letting my over active thoughts go wild and crazy.  I know they are unsubstantial and not true and yet I start believing them.  

Why I do this, I don’t understand.  I know he loves me.  I know I am special to him and we are so good together.  I love him so very much and want to be all he needs, all in one person.  

This is how I was yesterday. We didn’t have hardly any contact all day; circumstances didn’t allow it. So, we were distant from each other, no communication hardly and missing each other like crazy!

So when we finally get to talk there is tension and miscommunication and I over-think about it all night and don’t get hardly any sleep for it.  

Then today was basically the same and when we finally talk we blow up at each other and both feel so distant from one another.  We finally calm down and talk and spend the time we have been craving together just talking and reconnecting.  

It sucks being so far apart and unable to connect when we want to.  It’s like a part of ourselves is missing until we are back together again.