Reading blogs from others is fascinating to me. It amazes me how open to sharing so many are. I myself, being one of them, with a bit of me at guard doing so. Yet I still do. It makes me think, do others think we are real or fake by us sharing so freely? Do they realize they are looking into a person and their soul by the sharing that is done? Some even may use their real names in the sharing, while others will never do so.
I know a lot of people share these moments, happenings and thoughts to deal with their life in the best way they know how to. Like writing in a live diary where the whole world can see, read and share. Many deal with anxiety, depression, feeling of loss, stress, fears and even feelings of happiness and joy. Just everything in their mind that they want to share and get out of their head.
Knowing there are others out there going through the same things or similar things helps others, I believe. I see it in the responses and discussions on different blogs. It shows we are not alone in what we go through and there is always someone out there going through something very much the same.
I feel very blessed to be a part of it, if not but a tiny part.
Those three words send a thrill through me as I wait in anticipation to what comes next.
Having received the call as he is on his way home. Directing me to prepare myself as he wishes. His day has been exhausting and leaving him tense. His best medicine is coming home to me and our play time together. It brings him the release and focus he needs to wash the day away.
As I take my shower and prepare myself for him, I think of all we mean to each other and what we give one another on a daily basis. I am blessed to have a man that respects me for who I am and yet guides me to be even better than I am. And I in turn give him the support and love he needs as well as myself. We give one another that extra something that we could not find in any one else.
As I kneel by the bed prepared for what he needs, I hear the close of a car door and then the door of the house open and close. Hearing his footsteps on the hardwood floor and feeling my heart beats pick up as he gets closer to the bedroom. Knowing his need is met with mine. He walks into the room and sees me there, he walks over and kisses the top of my head. He looks me over then tells me to get up on the bed and get on my hands and knees ready for him. I do this quickly knowing what comes soon.
I hear him undress and pick out the paddles and implements he loves to use. Once he is ready, he walks over to the bed behind me and says, “Are you ready, Kitten?”
There’s that thrill I love. “Yes Sir.”
I have been a bit quiet recently. I have had many negative and judgmental comments and people to deal with that makes my creative mind shut down and take a break.
What is it about a person changing that makes people freak out? Especially when I consider it to be a very good change in me. Why can’t others see this and just be happy. No sly comments, no judgmental looks and statements made, no personal questions about me and my life, that are no ones business but my own.
I understand that people care about me. They are concerned that I am making a mistake or wrong decisions. Or that, Heaven forbid, I am going to the devil himself! NOT! All because I am realizing the true me. The me that has been tucked away and hidden for years. The me that is bursting to come out and live.
I just want to be happy. To live a good life. To love and be loved the way I always thought I would be. To make a difference. To be and do what I love most. Does that really have to be so hard to reach? Especially without others questioning?
I am ready for a new way of life. The new me and way of doing things. The me that has been here but squashed by beliefs of others and ones that I misunderstood. I am ready to push barriers and limits. To find what I am truly here for.
Art by Jover
It is so hard trying to finalize one part of my life while starting a new part and not go insane or keep things level where my family is concerned.
I want my life to smoothly move from one to the other without going on a roller coaster ride doing so. Is that such a big request?
I want my new life with my wonderful Daddy to start out surrounded by calm, love and joy. Why does that have to be something so hard to accomplish??
Do you ever find yourself feeling like you will never get where you want to go, be who you want to be, do what you want to do? Like the world just keeps throwing obstacles in your path to make things more difficult, frustrating and feeling defeated?
I am at the point I just want to throw up my hands and say I quit and run away!
I was raised to think of others, to make others happy and to do the right thing. I am trying to do all that and finally do all that for me too! It’s my turn to think of me, to be happy, to do the right thing for me! Yet trying to do that is sooo hard!! Ugh! I want to scream!!
Thanks so much anxiety, guilt, feeling responsible and fear; along with the biggest frustration ever! Go away and leave me alone! I need strength to get through all this🙈🙏
Okay…done venting now and getting that off my chest and out of my head.
Daddy and I have a playdate planned for this afternoon/evening. I am to wear my costume of choice and all the fixings. There will of course be spankings involved and then toy play.
My thoughts are all over the place in wondering what Daddy will do and what he will have me do. Maybe have me wear my butt gem while we play, and/or nipple clams. Maybe use the wand or one of the other wonderful fun toys that we enjoy. One, or many, possibly. Sometimes he tells me a few hours prior to either put in my Kegel balls or my butt gem, which really get me keened up for play. All I know is the sound of his voice and his guidance in the play is what gets me excited the most.
Having an extremely over-active imagination is a benefit to us both when we play long distance. It is nothing in comparison to being in the same physical space, but knowing we will eventually get there, and get there for good soon, keeps us determined and eager to make it work. And believe it or not, our playdates keep us connected and centered with each other.
I am a blessed kitten baby girl to have a Daddy Dom that loves me as he does.