Control

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OR the lack thereof…

From the time I went off to university and was in charge of my life and that around me, I was in control.  From student, to wife, to mother, I was still in control of my surroundings, children and life. So much so that I would feel overwhelmed a lot of times and stressed to the max, but knew I had to keep going, if only for my kids.

Once the kids were out the door and beginning their own lives, I finally realized I had lost myself and started looking for what was missing.  My life was changing.  My marriage was gone, I was losing control of everything around me, including my job and home life.  In the midst of all this I began to find myself and what I needed.

I found I needed to give up control to get the control back.  Control of my life and all around me.  And this was done when I met Daddy and we started talking and sharing and moving forward in a relationship together.  When I gave up my control to him, gave him the pieces of me as a whole to be molded and shaped back into the person I am, I found me again.  The same me, yet a new me.

When we share things and talk through things, he gives me guidance and support in what I do.  When we have our play times and I lay myself at his feet to control and guide me through our time together, I feel free.  I feel cared for, loved, protected and supported through all of it.  The communication and understanding that I had been looking for is right there in him.  The support, connection, protection and love I had been longing for, they are all right there in him.  I trust him more than I have been able to trust anyone.  It amazes me more and more every day how blessed I am.

I never thought I would want to give someone else control over me and yet, I have.  Not always in everything I do, for he does not want that because I have to be able to do things on my own of course.  But, the things I don’t have to be in control of all the time, I happily hand over to him when I can.  It’s a balance thing and we have room for that balance in our life and all we do.

Kat xx

*Pic found from Tumblr

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