You seriously are not alone!

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I’ve had a lot going on in my life lately.  It is making me anxious. Giving me feelings of guilt and responsibility for others.  Very emotional and unsettled.  I am trying to deal with all these things best I can and most times hiding it from others.  Those that know me, not so much. 

I have issues and at times I feel very down about myself, who I am as a person and how others see me.  I am getting better about these things every day.  Getting stronger in who I am.  These things are still there for me to deal with, just not as bad.  

I have people that support and love me.  I have a mantra that I try to say every day.  I have techniques on how to deal with some things, such as meditation and breathing, exercise, self-love by spoiling myself at times, etc…

I know I am not the only one out there doing this, but sometimes it feels like I am the only one going through things like this; don’t I know it!  And I just want to you to know, those that might be reading this and feeling the same, that you are not alone, I am doing all of this and getting through. It is hard but I/we can do this! 

You are loved, you are good, you are strong and you will get through this.

Kitty Kat xx

LDR – Long Distance Relationship

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A long distance relationship (LDR) is so damn hard! 

One minute you feel totally in sync with your partner, the next you feel totally unattached and inadequate.  At least that is me.  I try so hard to not do this.  It doesn’t help when I get this way.  I get emotional and even depressed letting my over active thoughts go wild and crazy.  I know they are unsubstantial and not true and yet I start believing them.  

Why I do this, I don’t understand.  I know he loves me.  I know I am special to him and we are so good together.  I love him so very much and want to be all he needs, all in one person.  

This is how I was yesterday. We didn’t have hardly any contact all day; circumstances didn’t allow it. So, we were distant from each other, no communication hardly and missing each other like crazy!

So when we finally get to talk there is tension and miscommunication and I over-think about it all night and don’t get hardly any sleep for it.  

Then today was basically the same and when we finally talk we blow up at each other and both feel so distant from one another.  We finally calm down and talk and spend the time we have been craving together just talking and reconnecting.  

It sucks being so far apart and unable to connect when we want to.  It’s like a part of ourselves is missing until we are back together again.

One of those days

IMG_0923Ever have one of those days where you are all over-active in the head and emotional because of it?  And no matter what you try you can’t seem to get yourself out of that? No breathing, no meditation, no mantra…nothing.  That was me yesterday.  I don’t know what spurred it on or why I was even that way. Maybe things that need to be done, responsibilities on me that I don’t want to deal with but know I have to, being out of touch with the one person that can center me, just so many things that could start me on that spiral in my head.

I know I am a strong person, so when I get into these times and situations in myself it makes me doubt that strength and makes me question who I am.  Other times I am confident in who I am, what I want, where I want to be and what I want to do.  I know everyone has moments of questioning themselves, but those that always seem so confident, it’s so hard to believe they do, yet I know they do.

When I get into that out of control, feeling guilty, feeling responsible, emotional place I have to remember, I am not the only one going through this. I am not alone. I am a good person and I have to deal with it the best I can at this time.  And I do and move on.  It’s not easy but I do.

Kitty Kat xx

Thank you!

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You know, I have the best support I could ever ask for in my Daddy. As well as those that love and understand me.  

It is amazing to find out and know I have the support in many areas of my life that I never expected.  Some family that I didn’t expect support from, some unexpected friends’ support, and those I do not know even yet.  

To know this spurs me on to feel the words that flow from me into my blogs and posts.  It leads me to share all that I have up to now and continues on.  

I know I am just starting this blog and am getting to know how it works,  but am learning so much…of myself and how to just let it all come out.  To try not to hold back, because there are so many out there that feel the same and want to know there is someone there going through the same things, feelings, emotions and life challenges that I am.  It is amazingly liberating to know.  

So, thank you to those that support what I share and those that share daily on here as well.  

Muah!

Kitty Kat 

Scared

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I’m scared.

Scared I will do the wrong thing. 

Scared I will not be what Daddy needs.

Scared I am not the person I think I am.

Scared I will not be strong enough.

Scared I am weaker than I think I am.

Scared others will think I am not true. 

Scared I do not make myself heard the way I need. 

Scared my voice is not being heard.

Scared others do not understand me.

Scared my anxiety and problems will overtake me.

Scared….just scared.

He gets me through

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Speaking from this sub point of view, I have been so out of sync lately that I just feel if I was with Daddy right now, all would be fine and just right.  But due to my crazy life and the “stuff” I am dealing with, we are apart for now.  And it is driving me NUTS! 

We talk daily and message daily throughout the day.  But its just not the same as when you are right there together, able to touch and talk face to face.  I am yearning for this more and more every day.  

Its like a craving.  You have had it once or twice and because of this you want it more.  Crave it, want it, need it, got to have it….NOW!

I know we will get there but the getting through all the other stuff is the pits.  I have the best Dom/Daddy a girl could ever have.  I am thankful every day to have him in my life.  Knowing he loves me as much, if not more (yes I know, Daddy), than I love him, is amazing to me. And knowing this gets me through these times. It pulls me through.  

Kitty Kat

My View of this lifestyle

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It’s amazing to me how many different views of this lifestyle there are out there. What I feel is the right view others would not agree with.  And I in turn do not always agree with others’ views.

To me, personally, I understand the D/s lifestyle to be a growing ever-changing relationship between Dom and sub.  Yes, there is the constant power exchange in what is right and wrong, Top/bottom, etc… Yes, there is the leadership/order in the Dom and the following/answering in the sub (per se). But that love is always there. Guiding the two in the life they love and the lifestyle they crave and need with one another.

Everyone has their own beliefs and needs in the lifestyle of BDSM.  No person is wrong in what they believe is their way. Do not hate or put down what others enjoy and believe in.  It is their choice and as long as it is safe, sane and consensual between the adults taking part, it is to their own choosing.

I have gone through a lot in the past few years and am so thankful I found this way of life.  I believe it is the reason I am stronger today than I was a few years ago.  I believe it gives me even more strength than I have ever had before.  I love the person I have become and am continuing to be.  I have the support of an ever-loving Dom that guides, supports, nurtures and protects me always.  His love carries me on through each day.  I am determined every day to make him happy and show him how very much he means to me.

One thing I love about this lifestyle is that it is an always changing, always developing, always moving thing.  To me it does not get stagnant and does not get boring.  We try, and learn, new things, new ways of doing things; in play, life and sexual means.  We spur one another on, in writing, learning, feelings, and just everything.  It warms my soul to know how much we mean to each other.  He is my muse and I am his.

I know when one of us is feeling down, we can normally lift the other up just by talking, hearing the other’s voice, listening and talking through things.  We are so in tune to each other we usually know when something is not quite right and needs to be dealt with and communicated.  It’s not always like this.  We have to work at it always.  But we do come back around to it through us trusting in one another and talking it out.

My view of this lifestyle is most likely very mild compared to many.  It is a deep relationship to me.  Not only is it D/s, a bit of S/M, but a relationship that can last a lifetime.