TMI Tuesday – Sex, Cereal and Ants

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1. What was your favorite part of yesterday?  Getting some things taken care of

2. If you could make your own porn movie, what would you call it? Would you write it, direct and/or star in the movie?  Oh crap! I have no idea! Hmmmm….. What about “Come With Me”  or “Make Me”! Ha!  I would have a part in all of it I think.  More fun that way! 😉

3. What do you like the least about sex?  Is there really something to like least about sex?? I mean, maybe when feeling insecure about myself….

4. So, now what are you planning to do?  About….?  Life? Sex? Tonight? Tomorrow?   Planning to do for what? Not sure, guess I will find out when it happens.

5. If you were a box of cereal, what would you be and why?  Fruit Loops!  I am a bit silly and fruity at times and a bit loopy….only makes sense 😉

Bonus: If you could shrink down to ant-sized, what would you do?  I would make sure I didn’t get stepped on! That wouldn’t be good! Sheesh!

Kat xx

See who else is having fun answering these TMI questions!

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Discovering your Sexuality

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*Photo from Pixabay

Well, I wrote this because it was something that hit me as I have been reading other posts and listening to a couple of podcasts this morning.  

Then a light bulb went off in my head that it coincides with Brigit Delaney’s Erotic Journal Challenge for this week, “When did you discover your own sexuality?” At least a bit…

Thinking back to my younger years, I can see I was definitely a sexual being.  Maybe that is how most are, but growing up in the land of the bible belt and not being sexually informed, but for a sex ed class, I knew barely anything about sex. Being fingered by a young boy that doesn’t know what he is doing, or rubbing my cunt on a teddy bear to feel pleasure, etc…are just a few memories of my young sexual self.  There were plenty of boys I had crushes on as I was growing up, but I didn’t really have an “official” boyfriend until the summer of my junior year in high school, with my first knock-me-off-my-feet-kiss and the joy of being “felt up”, which only lasted during the summer.  Then there was the summer of my senior year, which also didn’t last long (which I believe was because I wouldn’t have sex then as well, even though I wanted to so badly) because once again, my shame of what that might mean and what might happen.  

I have learned so much about myself in the last few years.  Reading other sex bloggers’ posts shows me I was definitely a “late bloomer” as I always thought (having my first penetrative sex at age 20).  And I am pretty positive that I am one of the older bloggers (once again the late bloomer) here in writing. 

I have a confession to make….(*both hands over face) I have fudged on my age.  One reason is protection, so that if someone in my family found out about this blog, they wouldn’t put two and two together (regarding age and what I write about) that it is me.  The second reason is I am embarrassed or “ashamed”, for whatever reason, that I am older and just getting into this world of sex/BDSM/writing/blogging.  

In the last, let’s say, six years is when my whole world began to change.  I felt, prior to this, that there was something missing but was not sure what.  Then I started reading books to escape my life and things going on in it.  I have always loved reading and the escape you get by losing yourself in a book.  I admit, 50 Shades was one of the groups of books I read that turned my mind and brought an understanding of what might be missing.  However, knowing the criticism against her writing and what the books misrepresented made me continue looking for more books and reading in the subject of BDSM and what all this new world was about.  I started researching and talking to people on social media. Once I had more information I realized what was missing in my life and how to go about possibly getting my needs met.  But by doing this I would disrupt everything, shake it up and change it.  This scared the shit out of me!

Doing this modification at this time wasn’t only about this transformation, but my marriage was failing and I had tried so many times to “fix” it and make things right.  You can’t fix something if the other person doesn’t admit there is a problem and that something needs to be fixed and worked on.  

This is something I will have to write about another day.  We both were responsible for our failed marriage and I will never ever blame him for all of it, no matter how big a part each of us played.  But it played a major role in my changing, realizing I had a problem along with acknowledging I needed a change in my life.

With my awareness and research, I ended up writing a book.  My first one. And I know it’s not great, but it is mine.   After doing that I understood that I love writing and wanted to do more.  But I didn’t know how to go about it.  So, I just enjoyed social media and did really well with that.  Sharing pictures and enjoying getting to know other people there and developing some great friendships.

That is where I met Daddy.  We had an immediate connection and have developed into a wonderful relationship since.  He supports me in all that I do and he is the one that introduced me to Kayla and John’s podcast “Loving BDSM”!  He even supported and encouraged me when I said I would like to start a blog so I could write more.  

With my blog I am blessed because I have over 200 followers already and I know it can’t be from my inexperienced writing.  (Or maybe it is because of that, who knows. Ha!)  I have a feeling it is because of my wonderful followers on tumblr and Twitter.  But I am amazed and so thankful. I have also found many that go through or have gone through similar experiences as I have.  It is a wonderful community full of support and sharing.

Back on subject…now that I know and have experienced my own kink and D/s that I enjoy, I am happy and want to know more and experience more.  

I feel free to be me.  To share things that I was never able to share before.  I love the friends I have made and love that I am adding to my knowledge so much.  I have said it before, but I love learning.  I soak it in and, even though I may not use what I have seen, heard or read about, or recognize that it’s not for me, I love that I am aware of the rich diversity of other people’s sexuality. It helps me to grow as a person.  

I know, for myself, that reading what others write and share have helped me so I hope my love for writing and sharing returns that in kind.  

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There I Go Again

*Picture from Pixabay

I really hate when I have too much time and quiet on my hands.  I went through some anxiety and over thinking yesterday. Even while trying to keep myself busy and away from it. Hate that!

Was doing the anxious, overthinking, crying, believing false voices in my head kind of thing.  Here I thought I was getting away from that and handling things better than I have been. Not! At least not yesterday.

Thing is, when my man, my Daddy, is not here and I can’t be with him to share in something that means a lot to him and a lot to me, it spurs my mind to do that crazy stuff and put me in a mode I can’t deal with very well.  You know what I mean?

My mind’s voice starts working on me negatively.  Telling me things that are untrue and that make me fall into that depressive unhappy non-loving myself mode.

So I got in touch with a couple of close friends and they got me through the rest of the evening as well as talking to Daddy.

I am a blessed and lucky girl even though at times I don’t feel like it.

Kat xx

Glass Full – Friday Flash

My glass is so full.  Full of you and what you give to me daily.  The discipline, guidance, love and care.  The pain and pleasure that accompanies this.  When we are together its like we were never apart.  We go through a day like it was destined always to be so.  With working through things, enjoying each other, play times and rest.

When “working through things and enjoying each other”, it is bringing us closer on a level of the mind and strength in building our understanding of one another.

When play times come, it brings us closer emotionally through all the pain and pleasure and feeding off each other.  With the spankings, dress up and giving pleasure in the sex and love we share.

And when we are apart it is as though I go numb for a while, like I and my body are waiting patiently for the time we will be back together again.  But then you bring me back to the present and the working together even though apart.  For now it is the normal way we are.

You have given me so much so I always feel loved and blessed.  My glass is never half empty or half full.  It is always full of your love and my love for you.

Kat xx

Check out the other Friday Flash Posts here:

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Festivities – Prompt #343

This year has been a lot of ups and downs for me.  I honestly can’t wait to see this year behind me.

I love the Christmas Holiday season normally.  Surrounded by family and friends.  Good food, great conversations and love shared by all in just enjoying the time together.  I have felt alone some of the time this season, even when surrounded by those I love.  Feeling as though something is missing, as though a part of me is missing.  I hate that.

I really hope this won’t be the case next year.

I love when I can feel the love between all.  The happiness being together brings in and just the sheer joy of it all.  It was missing from me and that makes me sad and I really hated it.  But that, I hope, will change.  I know it will take time.

This year I basically went through the motions.  I really wasn’t excited about getting the gifts for others, which I normally love to do.  I put everything off until last minute when I absolutely had no choice but to do something or upset the ones I love.  Soooo not me.  I love to get things for others and watch them open their gifts and be all excited about what they receive.  It makes me happy.  But it just didn’t do it for me this year.

I loved being around my family and friends, but just felt off and on my own even with them all there.  I hate this feeling and I am really wanting January to get here to start a new year that I hope is filled with fulfillment, joy, love, strength, understanding and self-love. I know there is still some bumpy roads ahead and some rollercoaster rides as well, but as long as I am surrounded by those I love and that love me no matter what, I can get through it.

I have also found that being here, able to share on this blog and write (learning more and more every day), I am working through these things and finding a healing I wouldn’t get anywhere else.  I haven’t shared all my problems.  I guess I’m not ready to give the full low down.  But being here, able to converse with all you wonderful bloggers, feeling a part of this community and sharing so much with each other, I really believe this is helping me with getting through.

My goal for the new year is to get a handle on my schedule here in participating in the prompts, participating in the Smut Marathon (even if it might be briefly, though I hope not), perfecting my writing and finding the true me in my writing so that I might make a difference in some small way.  I know it has meant the world to me to get the feed back and input from so many great writers here. And making the friends I have made so far❣️

I do feel blessed through everything♥️

Kat xx

*Pic from Pinterest

http://wickedwednesday.rebelsnotes.com/2018/12/prompt-343/

Christmas Adventure – Masturbation Monday flop

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Well, I had written the whole story, was trying to save the pic on my phone instead of my laptop, and somehow deleted all I had written!!! I was PISSED to say the least!

I was just getting done by 12 Wednesday to be able to include it in this week’s prompt.  But this dumb ass made the biggest flop of all by writing and saving it here instead of in my pages and then copy paste it here.  Daddy has told me before that I should do that.  Guess I will be doing that from now on.  Ugh!!

I hope you all are having a great Holiday!

Kat xx

*Picture from Pixabay

Bah Humbug…

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I’ve been so  busy this week that I have barely been able to do anything here on my blog.  I guess that is pretty good. Keeps me from thinking too much.

Being apart from Daddy for Christmas and getting through things still here, I just feel more numb than emotional right now.  Can’t decide if that is good or bad.  And then every now and then I tear up for no reason.  Ugh!

I just know I used to love this time of the year.  I was always the one with the Christmas spirit.  The one that loved shopping and getting things for others and love giving gifts to everyone.  The one with stars in her eyes, loving the beautiful Christmas lights everywhere and making sure my kids enjoyed every minute of the holidays.

Unfortunately, I will be very happy once the holiday season is over this year.

I do love the music and the lights still, but have hardly decorated and don’t really feel the thrill as I normally do for this wonderful time of the year.  😦

Despite me and my somewhat bah humbug attitude, I hope you all have a wonderful happy Christmas!! ❤

Kat xx