Before and After

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Before and After….

There are so many before and afters I could share.  From before and after my first boyfriend, to before and after getting married, to before and after my children being born, etc…. sooo many to choose from. 

Now that my marriage is ending there is a new before and after I am working on.  The before and after of me.  

Before, I was this individual that was co-dependent on a person, sensitive to confrontation, unsure of myself and feeling I wasn’t good enough so deserved what I got.  I felt it was my place to take care of everything in my life and family or no one else would do it.  I took on all responsibility and should have given some of the duties out to my partner, but felt he wasn’t able many times to do so.  I didn’t want to argue or make waves so tried to make everyone happy and comfortable.  I became unsure of my worth and ability to handle things the right way.  I was not confident in me.  Therefore I began to feel I was not good enough for anything more than what I got or how I lived.  Getting through should be enough as long as those around me were content and taken care of.  As long as I was trying to fix things and make sure all was okay, I was doing what I was supposed to.  Right?

Boy did I find that was wrong.  I was so wrong!  One person cannot do everything and at some point that person will break or be unable to bother with what they should be able to do on a regular basis.  

Once I realized I couldn’t take on all the responsibility;  once I realized I couldn’t fix everything, especially people, I got to the point where I was done and knew I needed help.  

It took a while but I finally sought out and developed a great support system in friends, family and counseling.  I was determined to get myself and my life straight.

After, I committed to making myself right and in finding ways to strengthen myself.  Not only in the strength God gives me in my daily happenings and faith, but in finding those that have either been through what I am going through or are in the process as well.  Finding those I can talk to, like my counselor, my Daddy (my wonderful man and Dom) and those that support me because they love me and have faith in me.  And I have developed some amazing friendships through all this that get me through daily.  

My finding and delving into Kink has had a big part of finding me too and I will not discount this at all.  I suppressed that part of me for a very long time but Daddy has helped me find a part of me that was hiding for way too long and has been just waiting for the right partner and time to come out.  

Not only all the above, but I have found this avenue here on my blog.  I can share and talk with others that understand and can share their stories as well.  We are not alone, none of us.  There are those out there that are going through, or have gone through, the same or similar things.  This is a wonderful support system right here and I am so happy I found it.  I don’t believe I have been through anything serious, in comparison to so many here, but we all struggle at some point.  We all have different levels of what we have been through.  Everyone is different and therefore will go through, even if similar, varying levels of what ever it might be we go through.  

I have found that not only do I have support here but I have found my absolute love for writing and more.  I am a creative person and here I can give my creativity wings.  Whether it be stories, short stories, flash stories or poems.  I have also found my love for drawing, painting and music again.  

So, this after part of me, she is ongoing and I can’t wait to see what this part of me grows into and out of.   There are so many avenues opening up to me that I never thought I would see or have access to and I am amazed every day how blessed I am.  

I know I still have a long way to go so I will continue on my path of learning and growing and hope you all will stay with me and enjoy, comment and like my blog as I go forward.  You all mean so much to me!

Kat xx

*Pic from Pixabay

Wicked Wednesday... a place to be wickedly sexy or sexily wicked

TMI Tuesday – Fill in the blanks

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New Year. New Hopes. And another new TMI Tuesday. Cheers!

Fill in the blanks.

1. I want to repeat nothing . I have had both good and bad times this past year and I look forward to seeing what the future brings.
2. I want to lose about 20 more pounds . I may not get there but that would be nice.
3. I want to gain more knowledge and understanding . I want to be a better writer and person in this coming year.
4. I want to enjoy life and all it has to give . I don’t want to waste any moment that comes.
5. I want to savor , as above, every moment that is given to me and every person that comes in my life and adds to it .
6. I need more time, patience, money, just everything! Ha!

Bonus: I will succeed in many things . I have a lot of goals and things I am determined to succeed in this year.  If not completely, at least showing that I have tried my best.

————

How to play TMI Tuesday: Copy the above TMI Tuesday questions to your webspace (i.e., a blog). Answer the questions there, then leave a comment below, on this blog post, so we’ll all know where to read your responses. Please don’t forget to link to tmituesdayblog from your website!

https://tmituesdayblog.wordpress.com/

When Life Gets In The Way

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When life gets in the way, gets busy and takes me away from the other things I enjoy, it gets frustrating and I feel out of the loop, so to speak.  I haven’t been able to give my attention here for the past week since I have been so busy and so haven’t been able to participate in a couple of things or keep up with my faves here.

I know it’s okay and can’t be helped, but I just feel bad when that happens.

I feel so close to the other bloggers here and love keeping up with them daily.  The Holiday Season just gets us busy at times though and it is to be expected, right?

I even feel it during this time with Daddy.  We both, being LDR still, have things we have to do where we are and it takes us away from each other and our time we normally have to make a connection with one another.  It gets frustrating, at least to me, and I start doing that mind thing where my thoughts go on their stupid route of over thinking and over analyzing again! (*rolling eyes*)

I have to tell myself, “Stop that Kat!  You’re doing it again.  Your “not-true thinking” has to stop!” A lot of times it will help but sometimes I have to go into my anxious, crying mode before I finally kick myself and stop.  Crazy, right?  You would think by now I could not do this silly stuff and know better! I mean, it even affects me writing and coming up with things to write!!

But then I talk to Daddy, settle down and all is okay again.  He centers and calms me.

So, now that I can slow down a bit for the next couple of days, maybe I can get a few posts done.  🙂

Kat xx

*Pic from Pinterest

 

Misconception of Kinkies – Day 17 of 30 Days of Kink

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Day 17: What misconception about kinky people would you most like to clear up?

I have heard many misconceptions about kinky people or people in BDSM.  I have heard so many negative comments about kink/BDSM.  “It causes people to have to seek out counseling; people get hurt; it’s all sadist and evil that goes on…”  Yes, I am so totally serious!  People that have no idea and have only heard the negative about the kink/BDSM lifestyle think the absolute worst.

It makes me cringe to know that those not educated in the lifestyle have no clue what it is about and have a fear for it because it is unknown and not understood. And yes, don’t get me wrong, there are “bad” sides to it if handled incorrectly or in the extreme/harsher side of things. But, that is why SSC (Safe, Sane and Consensual) is such an important part of the lifestyle. And knowing and understanding what you are getting into and who you are getting into it with.

So, I am hoping with all the bloggers and writers that are sharing their experiences and able to talk freely about these things are correcting the majority of misconceptions regarding kink and BDSM.  There is such a great supportive community that we have for support and information available.

Kat xx

*Pic found on Pinterest

Play Toy – Masturbation Monday – NSFW

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Here I wait in excitement and submission

For you to come in and begin your perversive position

As you have me over the bed spread wide

You have all access to tan my hide

The way you want and need to

To give me all you feel I have due

With paddles, crops and floggers

They are all used to give me the markers

Then once this is done, you move me over and closer

So not only the feelings, but your words can take me under

To the place I go to for only you and your joy

For to you I am your little girl kitten play toy

Kat xx

*Pic from Tumblr

 

Ethics of Kink – Day 11 of 30 Days of Kink

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Day 11: What are your views on the ethics of kink?

I’m really late today! My view on the ethics of BDSM/Kink:

The contract for BDSM, D/s, M/s, or what ever your dynamic in this lifestyle is an important part of starting out protected for all parties involved.  I know some do written and signed while others do verbal.  It lets the parties know the rules, how they want the relationship to grow and work and gives a good guideline to any future changes.

Another protection for all parties is the safe words.  They are there to protect the sub/bottom to make sure the Dom/me knows the limits they can take their sub/bottom to and that they can handle as well as protecting the Dom/me from not knowing the limits they are working with.  I have found over time the Dom/me seems to be able to read their sub/bottom better the longer they are together and the safe words may not be used or needed even though its good they are there just in case they are ever needed.

Not only are these great ethical dynamics to the lifestyle but one other thing is the support and information that those in the community are willing to help out with and share.  It has amazed me and fills my heart with joy to know there are those in the community you can trust and talk to, even over those phonies that are out there.

Kat xx

 

Kink Related Song – Day 9 of 30 Days of Kink

17bde8a914b3e12c89cac738115fc27fDay 9: Post a kink related song or music video you enjoy.

https://youtu.be/KdS6HFQ_LUc

S&M

Na na na, come on
Na na na, come on
Na na na, na na come on
Na na na, come on, come on
Come on, na na-na na come on
Na na na, come on
Na na na, na na, come on
Na na na, come on, come on
Come on, na na na na

Feels so good being bad
There’s no way I’m turning back
Now the pain is for pleasure
‘Cause nothing can measure

Love is great, love is fine
Out the box, out of line
The affliction of the feeling leaves me wanting more

‘Cause I may be bad but I’m perfectly good at it
Sex in the air, I don’t care, I love the smell of it
Sticks and stones may break my bones
But chains and whips excite me

‘Cause I may be bad but I’m perfectly good at it
Sex in the air, I don’t care, I love the smell of it
Sticks and stones may break my bones,
But chains and whips excite me

Na na na come on, come on, come on
I like it, like it, come on, come on, come on
I like it, like it, come on, come on, come on
I like it, like it come on, come on, come on
I like it, like it

Love is great, love is fine
Out the box, out of line
The affliction of the feeling leaves me wanting more

‘Cause I may be bad but I’m perfectly good at it
Sex in the air, I don’t care, I love the smell of it
Sticks and stones may break my bones
But chains and whips excite me

Na na na come on, come on, come on
I like it, like it, come on, come on, come on
I like it, like it, come on, come on, come on
I like it, like it come on, come on, come on
I like it, like it

S, S, S and M, M, M
S, S, S and M, M, M

Oh I love the feeling you bring to me
Oh, you turn me on
It’s exactly what I’ve been yearning for
Give it to me strong
And meet me in my boudoir
Make my body say ah, ah, ah
I like it, like it

‘Cause I may be bad but I’m perfectly good at it
Sex in the air, I don’t care, I love the smell of it
Sticks and stones may break my bones
But chains and whips excite me

‘Cause I may be bad but I’m perfectly good at it
Sex in the air, I don’t care, I love the smell of it
Sticks and stones may break my bones
But chains and whips excite me

Na na na come on, come on, come on,
I like it, like it, come on, come on, come on
I like it, like it, come on, come on, come on
I like it, like it come on, come on, come on
I like it, like it

S, S, S and M, M, M
S, S, S and M, M, M
S, S, S and M, M, M
S, S, S and M, M, M

It’s a fun song and one most people know. And it is on one of my favorite movies! 🙂

Bonus:

As a bonus, this song, Bound to You, is a song this little submissive heart just loves❣️

https://youtu.be/ryXSQOR7lqU

Kat xx

*Pic from Pinterest