The Fear Is Real

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This is not a sexy wicked story of fear.  This is real fear that is my truth to share today.  I have several fears I deal with daily.  Do you?

Mine from the past and present…Fear of disapproval, fear of letting people I love down and those around me down, fear of shame taking over, fear of losing those I love, fear of not being able to just be me and fear of losing myself again.

As a child I always had the fear of those around me, especially my parents, disapproving in me and the things I did.  Fear of not being good enough in the things  I did.  Or even just good enough for others to be around and love me.  I wanted to always make others happy and proud of me.  I avoided conflict as best I could and always was the one to try to make things better because of it.  I feared if I didn’t then I would lose the love and understanding of those around me that I loved, both family and friends.  I would feel shame if I did something wrong or what I saw as being wrong in other’s eyes.  Feeling this way was because of clues I would believe were there, such as shaking of the head, eyes looking into mine as if I was supposedly hiding something they had to find, a sigh or disappointing remark and then turning away;  so many ways for a then child up to young adult to see and take in a negative way.

Because of these things I was in constant fear of not doing things right.  Of not being good enough for anyone or for anything.  Fear that I would never find the right fit for a career, life, love, friendship, basically anything.

I felt that I wasn’t good enough in school, even though I graduated from both high school and college.   I got lower grades in both and ended up with a lower average, but still graduated and received my degree.  Proving right there I accomplished something, but in my mind it wasn’t good enough.  I know now that is wrong, but I still believed it.

Once I received my degree I started my career.  I was really good at it, to begin with, but I think with my self-doubt and feelings of not good enough, I self sabotaged myself.  Now I could be wrong in this self-analysis, but every time I did great at a job, I would end up not doing well and either looking for something new or being released from said job.

I know at the time I was married I thought and believed it was the one and only love I would need, throughout life.  Unfortunately circumstances changed and changed us to the point I felt I had lost and could not trust the relationship anymore because I had fought for it for so long and it never got better.  It was the one thing I did not give up on, for years, until I finally had to, for my own well being unfortunately.

Where friendships are concerned, I kept a safe distance from anyone.  I would get close and think I could trust and then something would happen to change the relationship or we just drifted apart.  I don’t know if this is once again self sabotage happening in these circumstances, but it happened, every time.  I have never had a really close friendship with anyone, and I think it was because in the past the person I trusted or got close to either stabbed me in the back or went away.  I felt I could never trust enough to hold on to someone who mattered that much to me.

I am not saying this for pity or for you to be sad for me.  It’s just a fact that I am coming to accept and understand and felt I should share.

I have friends now I consider close, but I am always on edge or on the lookout for the relationship to fail because of the past and that is not fair to those that are my friends. Not at all, and I know this.

So, even now, I have a hard time not being afraid that all these things will continue to be the same, happen in the same way as the past.  But I have to live my life the best way I can and I have to trust that things happen for a reason, people are in my life (or out of my life) for a reason and I am learning every day because of it.

The biggest fear I have over all is losing myself in all this.  I have before and I will not, repeat, will not, lose myself again.  I am finding myself again and learning to love the person I am, no matter what some might say, no matter how some might not approve.  I am me and I am accepting that and those around me need to, or unfortunately they need to move on.  I am working through my fears and feel confidant that one day I will be able to walk through them all, no matter how conflicted I am to do so.  I am surrounding myself with support and love.  Those that accept me for who I am now.

We all change, and hopefully for the better, because of ourselves and those around us.

Kat xx

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So Many Colors

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“I love these colors!” I say, gushing over the makeup and lingerie Daddy has given me for a surprise gift.

“Well, show me how much you love them by making yourself up in the makeup and showing off your lingerie to me!”  He says.

“Oh yes!!” I squeal excitedly, bouncing up and down on the bed. I crawl over to Daddy and give him a great big kiss.   Jumping off the bed I scoop everything up and run into the bathroom to get started.

There are blues, greens, browns, smoky-eye grays and blacks for the makeup.  And there are the same colors in the lingerie, along with red.  I begin with the blue.  Once my makeup is ready, I put on the sapphire blue thongs and sheer babydoll.  I put my long blonde hair up in a clip on top of my head and flounce out of the bathroom in a flourish for Daddy to see.

“Very pretty baby girl! I knew that color would look gorgeous on you!”  He says looking me up and down.  “Stay still and let Daddy inspect you.”

I stand still with legs apart and hands clasped behind my back.  He walks around me and lifts the skirt up to see the thongs underneath.  “Nice. Very nice, Kitten.”

He pops me on the ass and says, “Next!” I yelp and run back to the bathroom.

I change the makeup to a green shadow.  There is an emerald green corset and thong that match, along with a pair of holdup stockings that are black with an emerald ribbon around the top.  I put my black stilettos on to complete the look and walk back into the bedroom.  I feel so sexy and stand just as I did before for Daddy to inspect.  He walks around me and pops my bottom with the crop he is holding.  Moving around to the front he tells me to widen my legs.  As I do so, he pops my pussy lips with the crop.  I gasp from the sharpness of the impact.

“Good girl, my sexy Kitten.  Now the next.” As he crosses back to his comfy chair to wait.

I hurry to the bathroom to change once more.  Next I try the brown shadows.  I put on the black corset that rests just under my breasts, and knickers that have an opening in the back for easy access.  I leave on the stockings and stilettos.  I put my hair in a pony tail, high on the back of my head and tie a black ribbon around it.

As I walk out of the bathroom all sexy, like on a catwalk, Daddy gives a whistle.  We are both enjoying this so much.  I stand at the ready and he once again walks over to me and does his inspection.  This time he has a leather paddle in his hand.

“Place your hands in front of you my pet.”

“Yes, Sir, Daddy.”

“Good girl.” And as he walks behind me he gives me swats on both cheeks, several times, before continuing on around.  He stops in front of me and tells me to look up to the ceiling.  As I do so he pops my breasts three times each with the paddle.  I exclaim as he unexpectedly does this and bite my bottom lip immediately to stifle it.

“Okay Kitten, you have one more to show me I believe.” He leans in and pinches both nipples and I squeal.  “Get to it then.” he says.

I scamper off back to the bathroom.

Last of the lingerie is a red see-through negligee with red g-string.  I apply my smoky eye shadow, red lips and red ribbon in my hair.  I take off the black stockings and put on red ones.  I love the way it looks and feels on me.  Knowing this is the last, I move slowly to the door.  I hear him take in a breath as I pause for affect at the door.  I then walk to the same spot he has been inspecting me and stand there ready.  He walks over to me with fire in his eyes.

“Good girl.  So beautiful and sexy,” he says as he walks around with the leather strap in his hand.  “Stand over at the wall and place your hands against it, legs spread and thrust that beautiful bottom out for me baby girl.”

“Yes Sir.” I say, with anxious anticipation, and do as he directs me to.

“Have you been a good girl for me, Kitten?”

“Yes Daddy.”

“Well, since you have been such a good girl I will only give you a few swats with my new leather strap you gave to me.  I think six will do.  Count for me Kitten.”

I count as he gives me my six lashes with the strap.  I am so wet, dripping with need, and yet I squeal as the strap feels like a sharp edged object as it hits.  As he reaches six, he drops the strap on the floor, grabs my arm and hair at the same time, pulling me over to the bed and pushes me down to kneel on it, head down.  He rips the g-string to the side and thrusts his cock into my overly self-lubricated cunt.  He takes me hard. Reaching around to rub my clit, he uses me for his primal pleasure.  In no time I am begging to cum. He demands I do it now as I feel him release within me.  Our bodies shake and shudder together with the intensity of our connection.

We fall over on the bed and he pulls me to him, wrapped in his arms and legs as we settle our beating hearts and catch our breath. Coming back down from the high of our orgasms.

“You had me so horny baby girl I couldn’t hold out any longer.  I am astonished by the things you do to me!”

I snuggle in closer to him and feel completely surrounded by his love.

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Kat xx

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Erotic Photo – Wicked Wednesday

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So, this week’s Wicked Wednesday prompt is:

If I was taking an erotic photograph of you, I would ask you to…

I was going to share my view on erotic photos but decided to write a short story instead. 😉

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Before my photo shoot we decided on what I would wear and what prompts I would use in some of the photos.  As Sean sets up his cameras and equipment I change into my first “costume” which is lingerie and I do my makeup.  We will be using the bed and a chase lounge for the pictures.

I walk into the room where Sean has finished setting up.  In my red lace lingerie and sheer cover, I am ready.  He stops, looks me over and tells me to sit on the chase lounge.  I sit on the edge as he is getting ready to start shooting and he looks at me and laughs.

“Relax.  Sit back on the chase with your legs outstretched on it.  Imagine you are just lounging.  Enjoying a good book and a glass of wine.  That’s it.”  As I sit a bit on my right side with my arm resting over the side, I look over to my left.  He begins by directing me where to look and at times adjusts my position and cover to where he thinks I would look the sexiest.  His touch warms my skin.

He tells me of things to think about and starts asking me about what I desire or would really like.  He begins with foods, places and things to just get me thinking of anything other than what he is doing.  Then he moves on to people and desires of the body.  I could feel my cheeks turn warm and lost myself in the thoughts he was provoking.

He said he had enough pictures of me in that outfit and to change to the next.  I went back and changed into my corset, thongs, garters and stockings.  This time he has me go over to the bed.  First taking pictures of me laying over the bed or leaning on the side.

“Okay you little minx, climb up on the bed and pose like a good submissive.  Ass up and head down with arms stretched out in front of you.  Oh yes, that’s it.”  He takes several pictures, moving closer as he does.  He then moves my one leg closest to him in, as if I’m beginning to crawl or open myself up for him.  This move has me realize I am wet between my thighs with the thoughts that have been flowing through my mind as I see myself in these erotic poses.

He places a crop up against my ass as he continues clicking away.  He then lays the flogger by my side and takes a few more photos.  I catch my breath just thinking of the possibilities this all could bring.

“I’m going to get your cheeks a little rosy.  You okay with that?  I think it will look great in these pics!” Sean says.

“Okay.  Go for it,” I say. [Oh yes, please!]

He pops me lightly with his hand and then slowly gets a bit harder and faster.  I hear his breathing getting faster and can tell he is getting turned on by spanking my ass.

I say, “Go ahead and use the crop if you think it might help or even the flogger.”

“Mmmm…” he stops reluctantly and massages my cheeks.  “Sure.  I can try that.”

I look back for a second and see the bulge in the front of his trousers and scoot my bum back a bit for a better target.  He tries the crop first and I can tell he is enjoying the sharp popping he is getting from it.  He stops and looks at his handy work, puts down the crop and picks up the flogger.

I tell him to hold that thought and I remove my corset and throw it on the side of the bed.  Moving back into position, he stalls for a second and then continues.  He starts slowly and sweetly like he is caressing my skin.  Then as he moves up and down from my bottom to my back he starts getting a bit harder with his strokes so as to leave some marks that can be seen.  I am getting lost in the sensations and space it is taking me to.

He stops and places the crop back up against my bum and the flogger across my legs.  Then he picks up my corset and lays it beside me.  Picking up his camera he proceeds to take more pictures of me.

“Look at me,” he says, “I want to see that passion and lust in your eyes now.”

I look at him, feeling my cheeks are rosy and my eyes are watering and unfocused from the space I am in.

“Oh yes!” he says, “There’s my passionate erotic kitten come out to play.”

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Kat xx

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Our D/s and How Things Change

Slim, Girl, Beautiful, Model

*Picture from Pixabay.

This is a post I started writing a couple of months ago, but seeing a few others here talking about D/s and BDSM and the changes from what you believed when new and what you believe now, I decided to share too.

We (Daddy and I) have, what I think is, a great relationship.  Great communication, great understanding, great dynamic in our D/s relationship.  Don’t get me wrong, we have our disagreements.  We have our misunderstandings and, yes, we can both be hard-headed.  I am submissive, and yet I am what Daddy calls cheeky at times.  I speak my mind and can get fired up at times if I believe something strongly or feel someone I love is being hurt.  It’s just who I am.  But then, I have my submissive side, that loves to take care of things (especially Daddy) and do things to make him and others happy.  I love the way he takes care of me, protects me and guides me.  I respect him for who and how he is.

I have spent most of my life taking care of my family, being the one to make the decisions and be strong for those around me.  So that side of me comes out at times, when needed, when he expects me to follow his lead as his submissive.  And even though I fight it, I always go back to doing so.   It is that part of D/s that I need, to be able to hand over my control and follow his guidance so that I can find my centre, step away from the stress and anxiety, and just be his.

That being said, I have really changed my perspective and opinions since I was new to D/s and BDSM.  I know for a fact I was in what they call “sub frenzy” for the first year of finding, getting to know and understanding BDSM and D/s.  Any Dom that gave me attention or “wanted” me as theirs I immediately fell for.  I did anything I could to show them I was a great submissive.  It was all about showing how good I could be by doing as they said, even if it led me to get into trouble.  Or showing I could be so responsive to doing what they wanted me to sexually.  (Of course that was virtual, not actually in a RL situation)

I was very naive and trusting.  But, the more I researched, learned and talked to people, the more I realized there was so much more.  I finally decided I was being foolish, crazy and could get myself hurt, so was going to just keep researching and learning and not get involved with anyone.  Looking back, I was really lucky.  The only things getting hurt was my pride, self-esteem and feelings.

Then I met Daddy.  It’s always when you’re not looking that you meet a great person, especially one that makes a big difference in your life.  We just started talking, liked a lot of the same things, shared in a curiosity of certain things and just clicked.  Our friendship bloomed and for two people not looking for anyone, we have moved our relationship slowly to something so much more.  We are not only learning our own likes and dislikes, but each other’s as well.   Starting off as a LDR (long distance relationship) and working toward a RL 24/7 relationship is hard.  It is always proving difficult and frustrating but we are muscling through it and we will get there.

When we are together, I am happy and calm for the most part.  It is hard to be in this LDR, but we are both wanting it to go further once we are able to.  We both have things we are dealing with in our own separate lives to get us to that point.

We come together at times when we can, and feed off of one another and enjoy our time together where we can dive into our dynamic.  It never fails that we both fall into a low once we have to part, and I know we are even stronger in our love once we come back together.

We look forward to the day when we will be together all the time.  We know we will be in this lifestyle, in what is called a 24/7 D/s lifestyle.  A lifestyle where we will push and pull each other, having that power exchange in so many ways.  It will not always be a bed of roses, and we know this.  We will of course have ups and downs but we will continue to communicate, compromise and work together through our issues.  We will also enjoy learning and sharing new things together, as we already do.

I look forward to the future and what it holds for us.  It’s been a rocky road at times but I know everything we go through will be worth it in the coming years.

Just a song I have fallen in love with recently.  Enjoy!

Kat xx

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Exploring Her Bodyscape

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Dean walks into the room after washing up and getting ready for bed.   Layna has covered herself with the duvet but only half way, so he can see her lovely naked curves he craves.  He loves to explore every twist and turn, every hill and valley of her beautiful figure.

He travels over her body with his mind. 

Her shiny long golden hair that smells of coconut and cocoa butter.  How luscious it is as it falls down to her mid-back.  Or up in a pony tail swinging from side to side as he pushes her into ecstasy.  

Her gorgeous sea blue eyes he peers into and insists look at him as he takes her.

Her long creamy neck feeling so smooth and warm as he places his hand around it, just to hold it as he teases and leads her on.  

Her chest where those beautiful bountiful breasts of hers move and bobble as he grips them and sucks them into his mouth, making them perk up the more he works them.  

Her sensitive tummy as it undulates with the feelings she takes as he gives.  The tickling, licking, feeling and nibbling that makes it do so. 

Her hips, so delicate it feels every touch and breath he slides over it, making her jump, inhale and giggle in kind.  He could play with her there for hours.

Her thighs, oh those thighs.  Succulent and so tasty he can’t keep his hands and mouth off them.  Same with her bottom.  All so beautiful when he spanks them, turning them from rose to bright red and warm to hot at the touch.  Oh just the thought makes him so hard.

And then the most magical place on her whole body, the very place that begs for his touch, to entice, thrill and take what is his.  Her pussy, that delicious cunt that he treasures and loses himself in.  The smell and taste of her.  The very essence of the woman he loves and owns.  

As he sees this all in his mind, standing beside the bed taking her in, she shifts, turns to him and lifts her hands to beg him to come to her.  He blinks and slides in under the duvet with her, takes her in his arms and ravages her, exploring her again, showing her she is his once more.  

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Check out other Maturbation Monday and Wicked Wednesday Posts:

Masturbation Monday

WickedWednesday

Hers/His – A vignette – #344 of Wicked Wednesday

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Prompt suggested by Molly.  A vignette is “a brief evocative description, account, or episode” – a bit like a very short story but sometimes they can be a series of vignettes that are somehow related. Maybe they tell the same moment from different peoples perspective or maybe they are a series of short pieces that all relate to the same topic or subject. So your task this week is to write a series of vignettes, how they link, well that is up to you.


I have had a lot going on this week and have already not been able to get some posts done I wanted to do to start the new year off with.  So, this is a bit late as well.  Know it’s not much but, enjoy!  🙂 xx


Baby Girl

Pain and pleasure.  That is what he is giving me.  Pain.  Stingy and hard smacks from wood and leather implements.  The crop with its quick stingy pops that pepper my bottom and turn me on and making me squeal, especially when my pussy gets added to the equation.  The small wooden thin paddle with sharp pops to make me moan and want more.  The hard thick small wooden paddle that feels it is cutting into my skin making my eyes spring tears up and have me crying out.  The thick hard larger paddle with its thudding hurt that makes me groan and shake, making me feel I can’t take much more.  Then to top it off and bring it to a close… pleasure.  He fingers my cunt and plays with my clit with his tongue and a vibrating toy until I beg to come and find my release.  And it’s never just once.  He takes me hard, not being able to hold out any longer.  Or he will sink his cock deep in my throat to take care of his needs as he takes care of mine.  He will do it over and over again until we are exhausted and spent.  Then we snuggle together on the bed, holding each other and just being there.


Daddy

Pain and pleasure.  I love giving her both and exploring both with her.  Pain.  Feeling the implement, whether leather or wood hitting that lovely round beautiful bottom.  Feeling the warmth that grows as I cover her butt with pops, hits and blows.  Hearing the peppery pops of the crop and her squeals it brings out of her.  The moans she gives with each crisp pop of the thin wooden paddle and the wetness I feel gaining in her cunt. The cries she lets out when bringing the painful small thick paddles down on her arse, letting me know how much it really hurts.  The groans she gives as I use the thickest wooden paddle on her, knowing by the shakes she won’t last long.  The pleasure.  As I feel and hear all she is given by me and all she gives in response, I am so horny I know precum is on the tip of my cock, aching to take her but holding out to give her all I can.  It is now time to pleasure her and bring her to her release.  Using my fingers, tongue and even vibrator to spur her on, it does not take long for her to come and then again.  I can’t wait any longer and I take her.  We are both spent by the time we are done and cuddling together on the bed, warm from the afterglow.


Kat xx

*Pic from Pixabay

Festivities – Prompt #343

This year has been a lot of ups and downs for me.  I honestly can’t wait to see this year behind me.

I love the Christmas Holiday season normally.  Surrounded by family and friends.  Good food, great conversations and love shared by all in just enjoying the time together.  I have felt alone some of the time this season, even when surrounded by those I love.  Feeling as though something is missing, as though a part of me is missing.  I hate that.

I really hope this won’t be the case next year.

I love when I can feel the love between all.  The happiness being together brings in and just the sheer joy of it all.  It was missing from me and that makes me sad and I really hated it.  But that, I hope, will change.  I know it will take time.

This year I basically went through the motions.  I really wasn’t excited about getting the gifts for others, which I normally love to do.  I put everything off until last minute when I absolutely had no choice but to do something or upset the ones I love.  Soooo not me.  I love to get things for others and watch them open their gifts and be all excited about what they receive.  It makes me happy.  But it just didn’t do it for me this year.

I loved being around my family and friends, but just felt off and on my own even with them all there.  I hate this feeling and I am really wanting January to get here to start a new year that I hope is filled with fulfillment, joy, love, strength, understanding and self-love. I know there is still some bumpy roads ahead and some rollercoaster rides as well, but as long as I am surrounded by those I love and that love me no matter what, I can get through it.

I have also found that being here, able to share on this blog and write (learning more and more every day), I am working through these things and finding a healing I wouldn’t get anywhere else.  I haven’t shared all my problems.  I guess I’m not ready to give the full low down.  But being here, able to converse with all you wonderful bloggers, feeling a part of this community and sharing so much with each other, I really believe this is helping me with getting through.

My goal for the new year is to get a handle on my schedule here in participating in the prompts, participating in the Smut Marathon (even if it might be briefly, though I hope not), perfecting my writing and finding the true me in my writing so that I might make a difference in some small way.  I know it has meant the world to me to get the feed back and input from so many great writers here. And making the friends I have made so far❣️

I do feel blessed through everything♥️

Kat xx

*Pic from Pinterest

http://wickedwednesday.rebelsnotes.com/2018/12/prompt-343/